


Practical Advice

by Missy



Category: Beauty and the Beast (1991)
Genre: Bad Advice, Bad Sex Advice, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Romance, Wedding Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 22:32:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8865895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: Lumiere and Cogsworth offer Adam some romantic instruction on his wedding night and Belle, fortunately, manages to provide much more useful insight.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nikkiscarlet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikkiscarlet/gifts).



“You mean you need amorous advice?” Cogsworth squeaked out nervously. “Sensitive advice of that sort of nature?”

Lumiere smirked and leaned against the doorjam as his friend flitted about Adam’s chair. “And perhaps a little advice about _amour, mais non_?”

Adam glowered and hunched lower in his chair. “This is stupid, forget I said anything.”

“Nonsense!” Cogsworth said quickly. “Why, everyone has questions to ask! It’s important that they be spoken of, otherwise no one would ever get anything done!”

“Everyone my age knows how to do what Belle and I are supposed to be doing,” he pouted. 

“The process is simple! Mechanical! Why, you’ll be swinging with the best of them in no time!” Lumiere leaned into Adam. “Simply go to her and dip her. Tell her that her fragrance has been driving you mad! Then kiss her! Kiss her as if your life depends on it!”

Cogsworth cringed. “Dear God, you make it sound like he’s going to suck her soul from her very body!”

“Well, how would you put it?”

“Simply. Take her hand, shake it firmly, and tell her that she’s been a fine bride. Then you’ll need a sheet and a…”

 _“Sacre Bleu!_ Are you telling her to lie back and think of the empire?” 

Cogsworth sniffed. “If it’s good enough for me, then it’s good enough for the crowned heads of France.”

“Don’t listen to him, eh?” Lumiere said. “Seduce her with your wit and your sophistication! Show her that you mean business! But stay a gentlemen, unless she loves the rough stuff…”

“But treat her like a lady!”

“Kiss her until she goes mad with passion and rends your garments!”

“But also hold her hand if she requests it!”

“STOP!” Adam roared. “You’re giving me a headache!”

Both of his assistants went quiet, even a little sheepish, at his exclamation. “I apologize for his rudeness, your Excellency,” said Cogsworth.

“One must be rude in the game of love,” Lumiere grinned, elbowing Cogsworth. “Let’s leave him alone to contemplate the night, no?”

“Good God, man, you’re talking about the princess!” Cogsworth blurted out. “Not that you shouldn’t…contemplate your wife, sire!” 

Lumiere sighed patiently. “Next I’ll give you a talk about romance, eh?” Cogsworth sniffed as he slapped him on the back and pulled him away.

Adam was quite glad to be alone. In fact, by the time Belle arrived in her nightrail he was staring into the fire in mute aggravation, wondering why he'd hired those two in the first place.

“Belle!” he leapt up from his chair and immediately smacked his head upon the ornate back scroll of his chair. She made a soothing noise as she approached, rubbing his head.

“I saw Cogsworth and Lumiere arguing about romance in the hallway,” she said. “I don’t know what they told you, but they certainly have different opinions."

He let out a long-suffering groan. “If I make a mistake,” he said, “I promise I’ll do my best to fix it. I don’t have….”

She cupped his face. “Dear Adam. Neither do I.” She shrugged. “I’ve read about it but that’s quite different from experiencing the act.”

“Wait, they write books about this stuff?”

The corner of her mouth tugged upward. “Yes, and some of those books are even in the library.” Adam’s jaw dropped and she kissed her way along it. “So, one of us has a little bit of knowledge, though none of it’s practical. But according to Fifi,” and here Belle’s ears turned slightly pink, “it’s something that we’ll learn together with time.”

Belle’s lips skirted Adam’s neck, feeling his pulse jump. She smiled at the sensation – couldn’t seem to help herself, he felt so nice, smelled so good, was so different from the fantasy men her novels. “So,” she said cheerfully, “there’s a very big bed over there. Do you think we should use it?”

He smiled and too her hand. “I think I’d love to.”

Everything in the world seemed to require courage to Adam’s estimation – even love. But with Belle at his side and in his arms, he was sure he could conquer it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Yuletide!


End file.
